What to do if you have a lower libido than your partner | DatesWithKate Q&A

We have all been there; In a loving, happy relationship, completely content with our partners, but simultaneously completely uninterested in sex and physical intimacy with them.

I don’t know one girl who hasn’t been in this position before and it’s really, really shit! It becomes a cycle of turning them down, feeling guilty for it, feeling even more turned off and repeat. When I’ve been in this situation before, I’ve gone ahead with sex because of the guilt and half way though I’m always like, ‘oh, this is actually quite fun & feels good, why don’t we do this more often’, but the next time it comes to it I’ve forgotten those faults and I’m not in the mood, the cycle repeats.

I wanted to share my top tips if you’re finding yourself stuck in this never-ending non-sexual loop because it’s so, so common, especially in long term relationships, and there’s no shame in that.

Tip 1 – Take away the guilt, it’s not your fault.

There are so many reasons you might be struggling with your libido without even realising! Medication, contraceptive pills, antidepressants, stress, grief… even the time of the month can hugely affect your sex drive, but if you put too much pressure on yourself to get over it, that might evening be detrimental to getting it back, so take the blame off yourself and follow these other tips.

Tip 2 – Communication.

Communication, in my opinion, is one of the most important parts of any relationship and can also lead to a stronger emotional connection with your partner and in turn, lead to better sex! Talking about fantasies and your partner’s desires is a great place to start, hearing them talk about what turns them on and what they like doing to you is a sure-fire way of giving you flutters in the nether region!

Tip 3 – Exercise.

I know, I hate exercise more than the next person, but I can’t express how much it helps to boost libido – it’s proven to lift your mood and also help with body image, which will make you feel better about sharing your body with someone else.

Tip 4 – Stress management.

Find ways of dealing with stress and most importantly, prioritise getting a good nights sleep, so you’re not exhausted when it comes to being intimate with a partner.

Tip 5 – Spice things up!

Find a new position or something that ignites the passion again; maybe there’s a new toy that you’d be excited to try, new lingerie, watch porn together, try sex in a different room at a different time, rather than sticking to the bedroom in the evening – all of these can help bring some excitement into you sex life!

Tip 6 – Stop the pressure & regain intimacy

Remember that sex doesn’t always have to end with intercourse. Spend time being intimate with your partner without orgasm being the end goal. Have date nights, kiss, hug, experiment with oral, play together with toys. And remember that foreplay is a great way of increasing libido!

Tip 7 – It’s normal

Finally, please remember that fluctuations in sex drive is SO normal and a part of life at all stages. Instead of putting pressure on yourself, spend time just focusing and nurturing your relationship with your partner. It’ll pay off!

I hope these tips and reminders help!! Lots of love to you,

Katie x


1 Comment

  1. Meg
    March 24, 2022 / 5:19 am

    Your hormones may also be unbalanced. You could be peri-menopausal and your oestrogen levels are falling. It’s being recognised more now.

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