If you watched my latest Dates with Kate video then you would have shared my excitement with me as I told you about the best tinder date I went on last year with the most dreamy, charismatic guy. You would have got your hopes up with me as I explained how much we had in common and as I told you it was the first guy I’d fancied in ages. Then you would have felt crushed with me as I admitted I was ghosted two days after the date.
Ghosting is one of the worst things to have come out of dating apps – dates are so easy to get that real connections are sacrificed along with respect for others. It’s happened to me a few times over the past year of being single. Honestly, most of the times I’ve been secretly relieved that they’ve vanished as it means I don’t have to explain to them of the fact that I didn’t actually feel anything and think we’re better suited as mates rather than romantically, but this time hurt.
As I said in the video it was the first time I could imagine actually dating someone and he also gave me a sense of hope for the future, explaining he wanted to settle down & find the one, and so it’s only fair to have felt disappointed. I recieved a lot of comment in that video from you guys saying you’d experienced the same, and so I decided to put together my top 5 tips on how to get over being ghosted.
Some of these are easier said than done but I really think it helps to hear some of the points below and know that you’re not alone!
1 ) If you feel confident then I would suggest politely asking why they haven’t responded. If they reply then you know where you stand and if they don’t, well, then it’s confirmed that they are definitely not something you should waste your time on.
2) Don’t let it knock you down and get in the way of being the incredible human you are. Acknowledge that it hurts and you’re upset, that’s allowed as you have been lead on false hope and built dreams around that relationship so it’s okay to grieve. But don’t let it stop you doing things that make you happy, try not to let it get the better of you.
3) Understand that it shows more about their character than yours. They’re the one without the balls to be honest about how they’re feeling. In a way you can be grateful they’re gone because you’ve saved yourself from entering a relationship with a person who wasn’t worth it and is untrustworthy with no respect. You, a good person, would not do that and so you can feel better in yourself knowing you have the right morals and respect as a human!
3) Do not waste your time on that person any more – if they can’t take 30 seconds out of their day to write a simple text to you, you should not waste any of your precious time thinking or worrying over them. Don’t get your hopes up thinking they’ll get in touch in a week or to, they do not deserve your energy!
5) Talk about it to others. The amount of comments I received on my last Dates With Kate video proved that ghosting, unfortunately, is a regular aspect of modern dating and that all of us knows someone or has themselves been through this. Know that you’re not alone and get advice from others who have been in similar situations!
I wanted to add 2 reasons why I think people ghost, because I think these are really helpful to know if you’re going through it.
1) They’re just not that into you but they don’t have the balls to be honest about it. I admit I absolutely hate telling people that I don’t feel any chemistry because I never want to upset anyone, but to not say anything at all is 10 times worse. There’s probably nothing you could do to change their mind and so it’s definitely not worth pursing!
2) I feel like a lot of ‘ghosting’ occurs when an ex comes back into their life and they’re ashamed to admit they’re going back there. You also can’t expect people not to have a past, nor expect them to tell you about their situation on a first date, and so it’s more about them dealing with their life before you rather than it being a personal reflection of yourself. This is good to think as it’s great to know it’s nothing you’ve done that is why it’s not worked, rather than a personal thing. I hope that makes sense!
I also filmed a YouTube video to go alongside this post, you can watch here!
I’d love to hear how you’ve dealt with being ghosted if it’s unfortunately happened to you, let’s start a community where we chat and share tips and dating advice because there’s a lot of us in this boat!
Have you ever been ghosted? How did you deal with it?
Lots of love, Katie.