How dating apps have changed everything

I have a problem with modern dating, and the more I think about it, the more annoyed I become.  This is partly because it’s so frustrating, and partly because I’ve been watching Sex & The City for the first time and it’s just SO different to dating nowadays!

The last time I was single (over 5 years ago) things were very different.  Tinder had just been developed, but wasn’t really widely known about, and apps just weren’t a thing.  The biggest online dating platforms in the UK were sites like My Single Friend, Plenty of Fish and Match etc., which, whilst fun, seemed to be targeted at a slightly older audience and they weren’t really relied upon as your only sources of romantic connections.

Once I over was the hurt of my last breakup, I jumped straight onto the Tinder bandwagon, for a couple of reasons – I wanted to find out what all the fuss was about and also, I honestly thought dating complete ‘randoms’ would help me feel a little more confident within myself and would take my mind other things… and they did do just that.  But also over the past year, I’ve experienced a lot of how much dating apps have changed the game since I was last single, in a more negative way…

My main problems are as follows:

1. No one talks to each other anymore!  10 years ago, you’d be out in a pub or club, see someone you quite fancied and you’d start a conversation, maybe offering them a drink.  NOT ANYMORE.  People will see someone they fancy, pick their phone out of their pocket and search for them on a dating app instead!   Why have we completely lost the ability to talk to people in person nowadays?  Is it because we’re scared of rejection?  Or because it’s easier behind a screen?  Have we become so lazy that we can’t make a move anymore?  Or is it so we can find out more about what they’re really like before actually meeting??

2. Dates aren’t as special anymore, because they’re so easy to get.  My last date is a perfect example… the amount of effort he made before our date was close to none.  He kept changing the time, made no effort to choose a location, and then text me at the start time of our date to ask if we could push it back by half an hour (to which I bluntly replied saying “I’m here already”).  He actually turned out to be fun and a great laugh, but he said something which made me realise just why he’d acted the way that he had – because he was going on so many tinder dates, they all became just average, and they weren’t worth making the effort for until he knew it was actually worth it.  (I’m 99% sure he realised I was definitely worth it by the end of our evening!)  Why should we make extra effort to meet up with a complete stranger, when there are a million other strangers available out there?

Leading on from the previous point…

3. Something better is always out there.  We find it hard to settle for just one person when there are a million other people in your palm with the swipe of a finger.  Why on earth should we settle for just one when we can have our cake and eat it too?

4. It’s easier to dispose of people.  Ghosting seems as easy as pouring a cup of tea for some people now.  What happened to being polite and letting people know how you feel the honest way?

5.  The focus is much more on looks.  The amount of times I’ve felt guilty whilst swiping away on apps because I could have just said goodbye to the potential love of my life, just because I didn’t like some of their photographs.

6. You know you fancy each other straight up, so it kind of takes the excitement out of the date.  I think this is one of the main reasons I haven’t felt any real butterflies or enjoyment with online dating – because you both know you find each other attractive and so there’s no real chase or ‘does he, doesn’t he?’.

outfit – top | necklace | trousersheels | cardigan

There are obviously lots of pros to dating apps too – if you’re less confident it’s easier to pluck up the courage to date, it’s a lot of fun to swipe with your girlfriends, and one of my faves – I’ve met so many incredible people with great stories to tell that I wouldn’t have crossed paths with otherwise!  I also know a few people who are in great, loving relationships who have met on apps, so perhaps there is hope for some of the rest of us.

Personally, I’ve been a lot less active on apps this year.  I’ve decided I would really like to meet my future partner/s in real life, and so I’ve been bugging my gfs to see if they have any eligible bachelors who would potentially be interested in going for drinks… also exciting news, I have my first ever complete blind date coming up in the next few weeks (as in, I don’t even know how I’ll recognise him in the bar as my friend is arranging it all!), but I’ll definitely update you as to how it goes!

I’d love to hear what you think about apps and how you think they’ve changed dating these days – for better or worse?

Lots of love!

K x

Photographs: Kay Fordtography

6 Comments

  1. Hannah
    April 24, 2018 / 11:07 pm

    I tried three dating apps for a very short time. I got talking to one guy who I quite liked and it fizzled out; and went on a date with another guy which was a complete disaster in my opinion. Everyone else I got chatting to just dead ended completely.

    I thought dating apps would help find a balance between dating and my social anxiety. But honestly I found it made it worse. I hated the awkward small talk every match would send my way and I never knew what to respond. I guess in a way I ended up ghosting guys simply because I had nothing to respond to their small talk and didn’t know how to carry the conversation on (not that I really wanted to in a lot of cases). Plus I’m incapable of flirting in any way shape or form which didn’t help either.

    In the end I deleted all the apps and decided to go back to relying on real life meetings. A guy who knows a friend of mine thought the same and asked if she knew any single girls he might like. My name got dropped and things moved on very positively from their. It was our first anniversary last week. So I’m definitely an advocate of not relying on apps and websites to get a date!

  2. April 25, 2018 / 2:02 pm

    I dated a lot when I was in high school and college/uni, but that was back in the 90s and early 2000s when dating apps weren’t even a thing. Now, I can’t even remember the last time I went on a date. It’s been YEARS. I’m old school and traditional – I don’t like cell phones and I hate using apps so there’s virtually no hope for someone like me haha! Even if I were to go out in the hopes of meeting someone, all I see around me are people on their cell phones and that drives me crazy.

  3. April 25, 2018 / 11:11 pm

    I completely agree. I’m 29, just broke up with a long term boyfriend. Had been on the apps before meeting him, and it’s just awful.

    No one commits anymore, no one pays attention, it’s all for the lays, no one for the stays. Just disgusting, and I hate it so much.

    I’m giving myself a breather, but for my 30th, I think perhaps I will start actively searching my real life, flesh and blood world around me for potentials. I’ve joined a book club, a theater club, a dinner party club…. You never know where you’ll meet a person already swimming in the same currents as you.

    Modern dating sucks. Boo

  4. April 28, 2018 / 10:08 pm

    katie you look stunning!

  5. May 9, 2018 / 8:41 am

    You look stunning as always <3
    I don't use dating apps, because I think it won't work for me. I'm not interesting, I have difficulties in communication because I'm too shy. And I don't want other people feel disappointed when meet me in real life :p
    And good luck in the blind date <3

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