One of the most frequently asked questions I get these days from family and friends is “How’s your love life/are you dating anyone yet?” (or in the case of my grandparent’s “are you courting yet Katie?…well why not? Time’s running out!”). These questions, paired with the hint of pity and sympathy on my loved ones faces makes me want to hysterically laugh and shake them at the same time whilst screaming “I LOVE BEING SINGLE AND I DON’T NEED A MAN TO MAKE ME FEEL HAPPY OR COMPLETE”!
Now, don’t get me wrong, I absolutely love talking about my dates & telling the stories I’ve accumulated over the past year of being single, but there’s a part of me which wants to feel more than just my dating stories or my (currently nonexistent) quest for a man to fall in love with. I think it boils down to the fact that I honestly feel that people feel sorry for me because I am single.
I wanted to write about my reasons of why I absolutely love being single and why I have no desire for a prominent other in my life right now, because the more I think about it, the more unattractive a relationship for me becomes.
1. I know this sounds incredibly selfish, but I’ve come to realise that my time is so important I simply do not want to give it up for anybody else! Currently, even the thought of giving up an evening to make small talk & learn about somebody new gives me the ‘ick’. I know this sounds so terrible but I can’t help that right now myself, my loved ones, my work and my time are the things most important to me.
2. Just as selfish (I really hope I don’t sound like a terrible person for being this honest) but I really can’t deal with anybody else’s issues or dramas right now. My last relationship taught me that dealing with somebody else’s shit is exhausting and I really don’t have the mental capacity to try and take that on at the moment. Like I said, myself & my mental wellbeing is currently priority. In 2017 I cut short two potential relationships, one with a man I really, really liked (and fancied, a rarity as you’ll soon read) because I knew that in the long term his own dramas would bring me down and I didn’t want to have to deal with them. I can’t be a mother and carer for my life partner – something one of my best friends has been trying to teach me for years but only now do I realise this is not healthy in relationships.
3. Now this is going to sound bizarre, but for the last few months I have been looking at men and I feel nothing. Absolutely nothing. I have no desire, attraction or even the hint of any feelings for the opposite sex. This confuses me as I would really like someone to get intimate with (no strings etc) but I am not physically or emotionally attracted to a soul. I even look at some men and feel disgust – not because of their looks, but because I compare something about them (mannerisms, actions) to previous men in my life and so I’ve entered a dangerous mindset of thinking all men are the same, so there’s no point. I’m sure these feelings will disappear at some point, but for now I’d much rather be single!
4. I am a worrier. I worry about everything and when in relationships this tends to double as I feel like I have someone else then to worry about (talking seriously now, I think I do need to get some sort of therapy for this as it’s not healthy and really spirals out of control). So my fourth reason for loving being single is because it has been SO refreshing for me not to worry about anyone but myself (after 4 years of worrying for and about someone else). I look at other couples and see some friends worrying about their partners and inside I secretly thank god that I don’t have to go through that anymore.
5. Finally, I’m really enjoying the fact that I can do whatever I want. I used to be that person who rushed home from an evening out to cook dinner for my partner because I wanted to make them happy (I realise now this is unhealthy). I am really appreciating now more than ever that I don’t have anyone to rush home for (apart from my hamster who definitely understands) and I can literally do what I like; I can take the long route home to get more fresh air without anyone waiting on me for dinner, I can go out for impromtu drinks & dinner with my friends without worrying if my partner will be annoyed that I’ve changed my plans. It’s the little things like this that I don’t want to give up (but saying that, I wouldn’t give this up if I got into a relationship in the future).
I do hope my honesty in this post doesn’t come across as selfish and ‘up myself’. I think it’s become clear from writing this that some of my relationships in the past have been a bit unhealthy – but they’ve definitely taught me what I do (and don’t) want from future relationships going forward.
I was telling these points to a friend over dinner a couple of weeks ago; she has been single for a really long time and has longed for a relationship for years, but she said after hearing these points it was a breath of fresh air – love and relationships are great but it’s not all flowers and rainbows and it’s good to remind eachother of that when feeling lonely.
I hope this has been relatable in some way to all you beautiful, happily single people out there!
Lots of love,
PS These pictures were taken by the wonderful Mark Cant as a L’Oreal event recently – obsessed with the neon, strobe lighting, it made me feel super confident.