This is gonna be a different post today but I feel like I just needed to write it down (probably won’t even publish).
I’ve been having a difficult time in the past couple of months. I’ve always been prone to periods of melancholy but this one has been considerably worse and more difficult.
It’s silly because I know I’m extremely lucky; I have a fantastic life with amazing friends and family but I just can’t shake the worry, insecurities and constant sadness.
I also feel like an absolute weirdo for feeling like this but then remind myself that I surely can’t be the only one. Even I admit to putting only the ‘happy’ things out there on social media rather than the low times (hell, everyone would rather see cupcakes on Instagram rather than a teary, mascara sodden face).
My 3 main issues are the ones I mentioned above.
I worry about almost everything (trying not to generalise here) but my mind is in a constant state of worry – from whether I’ll have enough time to wash my hair/blog when I get home, to my parents dying, Andrew leaving me, what people think of me, whether the ebola virus will wipe the universe etc. Sometimes I can worry to the point where I become an absolute mess. I can fixate on one thing and my mind worries so much and blows it out of proportion. If I could change one thing about myself it would be to worry less.
I’m sure all my friends see me as a confident little misses, but recently I’ve been SO insecure. Constantly comparing myself to others, wondering why other people are so happy when I’m not, again, worrying that I’ll get hurt in my relationship because someone better & happier will come along.
And finally there are days that I feel so down and sad that I could cry at anything. I will also admit to crying multiple times at work (poor colleagues) because anything will set me off. I can’t remember the last day that I didn’t cry.
Another big part of my life is my phobia. I’ve never really spoken about it in detail but my emetophobia controls certain situations of my life to the point where I miss out on things to avoid it. I think I might do a video on my channel about this in detail because I always get the weirdest looks whenever I talk about this.
Now I hope on my journey to feeling a little better – I have a doctor appointment booked and will hopefully start some sort of therapy/CBT to help process & control my thoughts. Until then, I guessed it’s better to write things down rather than keeping them bottled, and maybe be able to talk to others who have also been through bad points. If you have any tips on how to get out of a bad period then do let me know.