Monday, 26 June 2017

How I cancelled my wedding.

This post might be a little controversial as it's not often spoken about (and also as my entire social media timelines are currently filled with happy couples becoming engaged or recently wed).  BUT, there are some of us who aren't in that position and who have either been brave, or lucky enough (although that won't feel like the case straight away) to have had to cancel a wedding.

I was in this position 6 months ago and I thought I'd offer my advice.  I've always been one to remain completely honest about all of life's experiences (both positive and negative) and I want you guys to know that you're not the only one if this should happen to you, and that things do get better...

Without further ado, here are the steps I took to cancel my wedding.

Not my actual dress, but one I did fall in love with!

My venue


The second time I visited my wedding venue.


1) Firstly, give it time.
I didn't email my wedding vendors about the situation until a month after the relationship ended, for a couple of different reasons; the first being that I was still desperately heartbroken, and writing down on paper that my relationship was over was far too much to bear. The day it ended, I knew it was 100% over and there was no chance of going back, but I still needed that time to process it all in my mind and resign myself to the fact that my life was about to change drastically from the route I thought it was going to be. 

Note: This is depending on how far you are with your planning; obviously, if you've sent out your wedding invites and the date is fast approaching, I think it's kind to give as much notice as possible to your attending guests and vendors.  My date was 5 months away by this point and the invites hadn't yet been sent out (in fact they arrived from the printers the day the relationship ended), so I feel like I had that time, and in hindsight, was deeply grateful to have had that time to let it sink in.

2) Making the call
As most of the wedding planning was down to me, it was also down to me to contact the vendors and update them on the situation (typical, eh?).  I sat down with my mum and wrote a draft email of roughly what I wanted to say.  I then altered the email for every vendor (as writing 10 different letters would have been far too painful).  My mum helped me do this and having her there to support me and make sure that what I was trying to say actually made sense (rather than a splurge of emotional upset) was really helpful.  (I should also mention, I chose to email the vendors because, again, the thought of calling and explaining things down the phone would have been far too hard!)

Note: Please do not feel embarrassed, ashamed or worried about what your vendors will think of the situation.  I can assure you they have seen this happen countless times.  In my case, they all expressed deep sadness for me and wished me luck for the future.

3) Getting deposits back
This is a tricky one, but if you've spent £££££ on your wedding, it's only natural to think about how not only your relationship has ended, but also about all the money you may have lost on deposits (in my case, around £10k).  In my emails I added a sentence being honest and asking if there was any chance of getting a portion of the deposit back.  The venue said that if they are able to book another event on the same day, that we would get a percentage back (this obviously didn't happen).  In fact, we didn't get anything back, but it's always worth asking!

4) Picking up the dress
This was one of the HARDEST things I've had to do since cancelling the vendors.  Obviously my dress was made to my size and the shop were unable to accept a return, so in May I trotted down to the bridal shop (again with my mum, don't bloody know what I would have done without her throughout this whole experience) to pick up the gown (and pay the remainder).  Beforehand,  I thought I'd be strong about this part, but once I got to the shop and saw another lady trying on a dress I did well up.  The man in the shop showed me my beautiful dress (so, so hard) and explained that when I do find 'the one', they'd be more than happy for me to bring the dress back in to make the final alterations... 

Note - as lovely as this is, I don't know how I feel about this?  I LOVE the dress, but in a way it feels tainted.  I've locked it away in a suitcase for now, but have worn it around the house alone a few times (lol) so we'll see if the time ever comes!

5) Managing the day
If you've already booked your date like I had, be prepared to escape on the day.  As much as I felt strong and over it by that point, you never truly know how you're going to feel come the day.  I escaped to Transylvania with my family to COMPLETELY take my mind off it, and I couldn't recommend it enough.  When the day rolled around, there was a bit of tension and I did feel slightly on edge, sensitive, emotional (and also feel like I kept digging at other people), but a holiday really helped take my mind off things.  

I did check the weather for my wedding day in it's location and it was raining all day - which made me feel a lot happier that it didn't go ahead (ha!)

6) If you ever have to visit your venue in the future

This is a bit of a weird one, but I wanted to include it anyway.  

There is a chance that one day you may have to revisit your wedding venue.  Unluckily for me, I'll actually be doing that quite soon and in all honesty, I'm petrified.  I can't imagine how I am going to feel in my own, perfect wedding venue.  I keep saying that I'm just going to get tipsy and hopefully forget it, but let's face it, I am a drunk cryer, so there probably will be some tears!  I'm just going to try and make some new memories there with my friends instead.  Wish me luck...





Again, I apologise if this isn't your usual post but I really hope it helps those that are in a similar position that I was.  Sending all my love.  Things do get better.

Katie
xxxxx

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31 comments

  1. This must've been such a difficult post to write but I know it will help people in a similar situation so your bravery/candidness won't have been in vain, all the love 💕

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  2. You have been so strong in all of this (at least it appears that way) and I certainly admire your courage. I have followed you on twitter for a while now and seen all your tweets on the process. I can't imagine how hard it is for you but you seem to be on a much brighter path now! I hope you are happier now and are enjoying everything life gives to you! :)

    <3

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  3. You are such a strong and beautiful woman!
    xx

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  4. You're so strong for posting this. I've never been in the situation myself, but I can only imagine the pain and the awkwardness of the situation. That dress looks absolutely beautiful on you and I'm sure whomever gets to meet you at the end of the aisle one day will be a very lucky man!

    Laura ♥♥♥♥
    http://pale-girl-reviews.blogspot.com

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  5. Have always admired you through your blog and youtube channel, but I admire you even more so now. You are so brave to post about this, and I have to say you look so happy recently. You are so inspirational.

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  6. This is one of the honest posts out there. It's so good to hear about this because it does happen and most people don't no what to do. I can't imagine how hard this was for you and to also post this. ❤❤

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  7. So proud of you! You really have been stronger than I could have ever imagined, when the time is right you will be a beautiful bride. All our love xxx

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  8. hi katie,

    this must have been really hard for you to write about, but thank you so much for posting this because it ultimately has a really positive and inspirational message which everyone should read! youre right - things do get better, and i hope that someday in the future you find someone who does give you your dream wedding, and does make you happy, and does give you a forever :)

    i really like your message about happiness - that marriage doesnt always make you happy, and i think it's really important. so many on my friends believe that commitment and long-term boyfriends will make them happy, but i can show them this now, and tell them that sometimes they have to stop trying to find other people, and first try and find themselves, because happiness always starts with yourself!!!

    lots of love
    hope
    xxxx

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  9. Nothing but love for you katie! You're such a brave woman, thank you for this post.

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  10. I found out a few years ago that my mum was engaged to someone else before my dad and was only 6 weeks away from getting married. She hadn't told me before then because she was scared it would make me think badly of her for some strange reason! She asked me to not mention it to my brother and sister as well. I was quite shocked she'd think think that. Things happen and it's better to end it before you're married if you know it's not working. She ended up happily married to my dad instead and they've been married for 32 years now so athough it must have been very tough at the time it worked out for the best x

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  11. I think you are really badass for writing this post.

    I don't know you, but as a fellow woman I'm so proud of how you've handled the whole situation and amazed by your candour.

    Good luck in your new phase honeybee.

    Lots of love

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  12. This must have been such a difficult post for you to write and you've done so well to put a list together to help anyone else in a similar situation❤️xx


    www.jessicatonge.co.uk

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  13. Very brave saying all this Katie. I can't imagine how hard it would be to explain the situation multiple times but glad you have family support. Good luck for the future! Xxx

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  14. I am so sorry for whatever happened that made the relationship end, this is the first blog post I have read of yours and you seem the most loveliest and truthful woman ever. I have so much respect for you on writing such an honest/ personal blog post. Sending all my love. X

    withlovefromamber.blogspot.co.uk

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  15. So very brave to cancel your wedding. Onwards and upwards!

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  16. You're very cool to post this Katie. I love your videos and blog and think you're an amazing girl. I know you'll fine someone one day who is perfect for you. Im sure this blog post will help many. Be happy xxx

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  17. I loved this Katie! I think it's important to recognise that sometimes shit hits the fan and doesn't end up working out. I think people who are in similar situations will really love this post. I am sorry it happened to you too x

    Sarah | More Than Adored

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  18. Oh Katie,
    What a lovely post and yet such a sad one. My heart aches for you. Best wishes as you mend that heart of yours. Whatever the case I'm sure it was all for the best and if it's meant to be with whomever, it'll come when the time is right. This seems like very helpful advice for anyone in a similar situation! XO

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  19. Oh lovely girl, I'm so proud of how well you've dealt with all of this. You are amazing! xxx

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  20. Amazing, insightful article. Thank you for sharing. Xxxxxxxxx lgd lgd lgd

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  21. I love how you have taken something so personal and emotional and put it into something that I'm sure will be useful (and comforting) for others. As you say, this is something that happens more than people talk about. You are an absolute gem and deserve every single ounce of happiness and love in life and whilst it might not have been right now and quite as planned, I know it will come your way and when it does, it will feel even more incredible and special because of the hurdles its taken to get there. xx

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  22. SO brave of you to write this post and I'm sure it will help so many people. xxxx

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  23. What an incredibly strong person you are, Katie. This post must have been so hard to write and I think you're helping a lot of people out there who are facing the same situation. Well done, I'm very proud of you xx

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  24. i went through the same thing coming up a year ago, and although I did a few things differently this is a great post and I don't know how you managed to write about it...! I know now for me not getting married to my other half was the best thing that could've happened so I hope now you feel the same way or will one day. This post will be really helpful to someone one day and it's incredible you've written it down all so well.

    Laura x

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  25. Heartbreak is just the shittiest thing right? I've had my fair share too and it's so helpful when going through the healing process to talk to others who have gone through or are going through the same thing. It's kind of comforting to know you're not alone. On the brighter side of all this, I always like to think that things happen for a reason. When life steers you away from something good it's usually because it's preparing to bring you something great instead! Who knows what's around the corner? As for me, I'm finally learning to only rely on myself for my own happiness. I refuse to let a guy be at the centre of my world. If someone comes along who brings something to the table then maybe he can stay, if not, I'm gonna keep on doing my own thing! Who'd have thought I'd love being single so much?! Xx

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  26. So brave and strong of you to write this post Katie, I do believe everything happens for a reason and hopefully you'll find happiness elsewhere in the near future!

    Lucy | Forever September

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  27. I'm absolutely astounded and blown away by this post. What an amazing thing to put out there to help someone in their time of need, that's so selfless and inspirational. I got married earlier this year and honestly now I would have done everything totally differently, so it's so exciting that if you choose to get engaged again, you''ll probably choose to plan something totally different that reflects how much you've grown and how this experience has made you stronger and probably made you value totally different things along the process. I think the support you're giving your sister's engagement too is so wonderful after going through this a relatively short time again, I have sisters and I know if it was me I would find that difficult, so it's such a testament to your selfless, strong, loyal character. You clearly do this as your career for the right reasons and I'm so confident this post will help so so many people. you star. xxx

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  28. Kassia Chatting7 July 2017 at 21:26

    I admire you more each day. You make me want to create better, truthful and more meaningful content for my own social channels. In particular, I think your raw, always honest approach should be adopted by many more bloggers out there. It's refreshing and oh so important for our next generation. Please don't stop! Kass x

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  29. Such a brave and honest post -- but something that I'm sure a lot of people will encounter in their lives!

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  30. I follow this blog from past few months. I found many informative information on this blog. Such a brave and honest post i have ever seen. Beauty Joint

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  31. Hi,I need some help. I have a bad skin, It's full of blackheads. So these tips are good but I need a well cover makeup instead. My big day is coming and I know The makeup is really important on the Big day and I think, not I'm the only one who can't be bothered to apply a bridal makeup.What do you think about the bridalmakeup, I keep reading reviews about it but can't make up my mind. I saw this casual makeup guide on reddit and wanted to post it here because I want to read something better: https://lilybeautyshop.com/blogs/lily-blog/bridal-makeup
    I would love an opinion on a makeup expert I Just want to know If I really do need all the bells and whistles?

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