Monday, 8 September 2014

PERSONAL: Feeling Down.

This is gonna be a different post today but I feel like I just needed to write it down (probably won't even publish).
I've been having a difficult time in the past couple of months.  I've always been prone to periods of melancholy but this one has been considerably worse and more difficult.

It's silly because I know I'm extremely lucky; I have a fantastic life with amazing friends and family but I just can't shake the worry, insecurities and constant sadness.  
I also feel like an absolute weirdo for feeling like this but then remind myself that I surely can't be the only one.  Even I admit to putting only the 'happy' things out there on social media rather than the low times (hell, everyone would rather see cupcakes on Instagram rather than a teary, mascara sodden face).



My 3 main issues are the ones I mentioned above.

worry about almost everything (trying not to generalise here) but my mind is in a constant state of worry - from whether I'll have enough time to wash my hair/blog when I get home, to my parents dying, Andrew leaving me, what people think of me, whether the ebola virus will wipe the universe etc.  Sometimes I can worry to the point where I become an absolute mess. I can fixate on one thing and my mind worries so much and blows it out of proportion.  If I could change one thing about myself it would be to worry less.

I'm sure all my friends see me as a confident little misses, but recently I've been SO insecure. Constantly comparing myself to others, wondering why other people are so happy when I'm not, again, worrying that I'll get hurt in my relationship because someone better & happier will come along.

And finally there are days that I feel so down and sad that I could cry at anything.  I will also admit to crying multiple times at work (poor colleagues) because anything will set me off.  I can't remember the last day that I didn't cry.

Another big part of my life is my phobia.  I've never really spoken about it in detail but my emetophobia controls certain situations of my life to the point where I miss out on things to avoid it.  I think I might do a video on my channel about this in detail because I always get the weirdest looks whenever I talk about this.

Now I hope on my journey to feeling a little better - I have a doctor appointment booked and will hopefully start some sort of therapy/CBT to help process & control my thoughts.  Until then, I guessed it's better to write things down rather than keeping them bottled, and maybe be able to talk to others who have also been through bad points.  If you have any tips on how to get out of a bad period then do let me know.

xxxx
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62 comments:

  1. Sorry to hear your feeling like this! My hormones are all over the place at the moment and there are all kinds of things going on in my life, it sometimes just gets too much so i can definitely relate. I personally find typing things out helps a lot as it clears my head, so I hope writing this made you feel a little better. I hope that you feel better soon, remember that we all love your content and you have so many people who appreciate you. Lots of love x

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  2. Totally emphasise with you on the worrying- I am the same and constantly worrying! It's so tiring. Glad you are seeing a doctor and I'm sure that will help xx

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  3. Really inspirational post to read, it's definitely easy to post about happy things so I actually found this really grounding. Hope you feel better, it takes a strong person to admit their weaknesses :) x

    http://xxchloescloset.blogspot.co.uk/

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  4. You are already starting in the right direction by seeing a GP, remember to vent those feelings, and not keep it in, believe me you will begin to feel better. x

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  5. I can definitely relate to this! I suffer pretty severely from emetophobia, and people just don't understand how much of an impact this fear can have. It's not just a dislike, it's a fear and something you'll do anything to avoid facing. I think about it about 95% of my time, and it dictates everything I eat, everywhere I go, everything I do. I go over the last time I got ill repeatedly, I connect it to the silliest things (like where I was, or what I'd done that day - anything) and dwell on it until it snowballs into complete terror and panic. And the irony of it all is that when I was at my worst, I was too scared of the side-effects to take medication. It's now manifested into agoraphobia and I struggle to travel on public transport, go into cinemas, restaurants, clubs - basically anything anyone of our age would want to do!
    However, CBT has helped me wonders, and I'm now more able to talk myself down before going into a complete panic which is excellent. I've also found hypnotherapy apps on my iPhone amazing, so I'd totally recommend them - so much so I'm even considering paying for some hypnotherapy to see if that gives me that little extra push I need to overcome it.

    It's an awful thing to live with, and something I've toyed with the idea of posting about. I really hope you're feeling better soon lovely! I wouldn't wish it on anyone! I'll be keeping every finger crossed that it helps you! : )

    Amy at The Girl in the Bowler Hat
    xxxx

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  6. Hi Katie,

    I'm so glad that you're going to CBT, because it will help you so much I reckon! I can totally relate to you and I can assure you it will get better. I have had severe anxiety since I was 14/15. I went to CBT a year and a bit ago and it's helped me change habits I had for ten years. I worry about EVERYTHING too. Everything. Haha. It got to the point I wouldn't eat any food, cause I was so worried about food! It's just so silly but you can't help it. Then you feel bad cause you KNOW it's silly?!

    Since CBT though I'm much better - it's amazing to learn what is a healthy way to think. And that it's quite normal to worry about these things too sometimes - people just never mention it - or feel less bad about intrusive thoughts like their parents dying etc!

    I wrote this a bit ago when I finished CBT which you might find useful http://raisinheart.com/2013/01/the-dark-cloud-of-doom/

    Hope you start to feel better soon, and it's good you have picked up the strength to try and change it :)

    Hannah
    Xx

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  7. Hi Katie,

    I'm so glad that you're going to CBT, because it will help you so much I reckon! I can totally relate to you and I can assure you it will get better. I have had severe anxiety since I was 14/15. I went to CBT a year and a bit ago and it's helped me change habits I had for ten years. I worry about EVERYTHING too. Everything. Haha. It got to the point I wouldn't eat any food, cause I was so worried about food! It's just so silly but you can't help it. Then you feel bad cause you KNOW it's silly?!

    Since CBT though I'm much better - it's amazing to learn what is a healthy way to think. And that it's quite normal to worry about these things too sometimes - people just never mention it - or feel less bad about intrusive thoughts like their parents dying etc!

    I wrote this a bit ago when I finished CBT which you might find useful http://raisinheart.com/2013/01/the-dark-cloud-of-doom/

    Hope you start to feel better soon, and it's good you have picked up the strength to try and change it :)

    Hannah
    Xx

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  8. So sorry to hear you've been feeling so rubbish lately, well done for writing it all down and actually publishing it. That's a big step. You've definitely done the right thing by booking a doctors appointment. I hope that goes well for you and something comes of it. I've had troubles with phobias and feeling down before and I find the best place to start is to try and not be so hard on yourself. You are always your own worst critic! Try and take sometime to just chill out, have a bath or do some yoga, it sounds silly but will make you feel a lot better about yourself. Meditation is also something worth looking into, there are some great books and apps out there. Also make sure you talk about how you feel to the people in your life you're close to who care a lot about you. Don't keep it all bottled up. You'll find just talking about things out loud will help so much, simple as it sounds. Hope that's been of some help! *virtual hugs*

    www.peonyandpeach.blogspot.com

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  9. Stay strong chick xx You are not alone and I hope that you can find the help that you need. Plus, I would find it so helpful if you did a video on emetophobia as it is something that seems to have started affecting me increasingly over the past year, although obviously it's a very personally subject and fully understood if you decide against the video, as it's a phobia that is so littley understood xx Hope you feel happier soon xx

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  10. Oh, I'm so sorry you've been so down lately! Last year I went through a massive depression and I can definitely relate with what you're saying, constantly feeling sad, worried and anxious. Getting help was the best thing I could've done because at first I tried fighting those feelings on my own but I stopped feeling like myself altogether, and that's when I knew I had to ask for help.
    I'm sure your therapy will go amazingly and you'll feel great again in no time. And if it doesn't go that fast, just make sure you go out to take a walk every once in a while, to clear your mind :)

    <3 M.

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  11. I really conected with your post as I have had similar and also different things in my life . I am a little older than you so maybe that's why I have had more time to find solutions .
    Firstly you are doing the right thing attacking it now as if any of these sorts if things are left they fester and grow .
    I have suffered from some depression in the last and panic attacks and still on ramdon days have just awful out of the blue for no reason sad or annoyed or I'm irritated for no reason .
    And here's what I've done to help improve this 99 %
    1. Attack it from every angle
    2. The cbt is fantastic I've done it 3 times for 3 different things
    The quality varies immensely from the counsellor providing it - don't give up on this if the first batch doesn't work try another counsellor in 6 months

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  12. Keep your head up! Just remember it won't be forever - Good luck with the CBT, I'm sure you'll start feeling better really soon!

    Catrin <3 x

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  13. I hope CBT will help you. I have depression and anxiety disorder and am on anti depressants and did a course of CBT. CBT really helped and the meds help too. I think the main thing is not to beat yourself up at all, as that only makes things worse. Like I said to another friend tonight who's struggling with feeling low, some of us need a little more help to stay awesome. ;)

    It has also occurred to me that it's often the most giving people who suffer depression - just look at Robin Wlliams. Sometimes we give so much of ourselves and put ourselves at the bottom of a big list of priorities so it's no wonder we struggle. Depression is a red flag yelling 'Take care of Number One!'

    Hugs. xx

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  14. 4. Excersise this is not for the fit body lol it's for the happy hormones it produces - trust me on this one certain forms of excersise work better for our issues as I hate using ( the mental word) yoga pillates ground you and relax and center you as well as work the body so u get a two in one fix
    5. Food / diet . What ever you put in will have an effect research certain foods pesticides on foods I try when spare money to eat organic even a daily green juice can really improve your body functions which over all improve the mind
    6. Bit out there but if you are desperate like me i wanted to try everything
    I have a few crystals around my house that dispell negitive energy clear quartz being one - hey why not anything that helps

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  15. Finally some people say low mood can be linked to low B vitamins
    Find a good organic daily vitamin and take it daily
    Also cod liver oil tablets can help moods
    I hope this helps
    I was diagnosed with cronic fatigue syndrome ( which I believe is part mental or in your mind )
    Had one bout of depression
    And suffered from panics attacks
    And the above helped me so much
    Also try to find things that make you happy
    If your job doesn't change it - best wishes k xxxx

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  16. P.s the cbt will work wonders for the worry

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  17. Hi Katie,
    We have the same name!!
    But I completly agree with you on the period part, I am in my mid teens and I do also suffer badly and I don't often know what to do and I sometimes feel like I am the only one who suffers this bad, so it is comforting to know others are in the same position and we can help eachother! But I haven't yet found a solution on trying to make periods less painful/bad or to at least make that little bit comfier to deal with but it would be nice to help eachother out!!

    Well done on sharing everything and also going to see someone!!

    Lots Of Love
    Katie
    xxx

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  18. Hi Katie,

    Like Amy (below) and yourself, I suffer terribly with emetophobia. I completely relate to you and empathise with you when you say you avoid certain situations. I'm a twenty year old girl who's never been to a party because i'm so frightened of drunk people being ill. I'm scared to travel. I'm scared to pretty much leave my house in case I see or hear it happening. It really does ruin certain aspects of your life. I also suffer with anxiety, although a lot of it is due to the emetophobia.

    I'm so glad you're seeking help to deal with your worrisome thoughts, sadness and phobia. I wish you nothing but the best of luck,

    Love, Eloise xxx

    www.eloisery.blogspot.co.uk

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  19. What an nice honest post, just feel proud for putting it out there. And holding down all those great elements of work/blog/social & romance... look at how much you'e doing right, and just pat yourself on the back for being you and doing it all. I'm sure CBT will help with the anxiety and worrying, best to get help before it becomes obsessive or compulsive. I've just finished uni. got a job and come off anti depressants, today I wanted to cry at work. I've had a shit weekend. But at least the days start again and we have good friends to keep us sane! You're absolutely right, when we're at our bests we like to share the love and often still like to give and please when we don't have the emotional energy... My parents always remind me to 'go easy on myself'. And now my own little therapy is a little tlc when I get worked up, looking after myself, self soothing and trying to be as generous to your own needs as you are to others! Those closest will support and understand that because then you can get back to being YOU quicker than being the you that's a little down... I think that message needs to be spread, mental health issues are illnesses that have remedies, they don't define a person or their personality. We aren't down people, we're usually just all-feeling!

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  20. Keep going Katie, you're not alone although it may feel that way.
    You and Andrew are like OTP, the way he looks at you in your videos shows for certain how much you mean to him. In terms of your phobia, therapy will help. One of my best friends has the same thing, and it's stopped her from going out in the evening because of the inevitable seeing it everywhere, she had therapy and although she's stopped due to being so busy, she had improved a massive amount. Much of the time it'll be friends and relatives reactions to it with you around that will be more frustrating because of them trying to protect you from it. That might not make much sense, but their reactions to you reacting to the situation can make things more difficult for you. When you start your therapy you will try ways in which to control it and you will know how you want to react to the situations and how you want others around you to react too.
    So many people care about you, and you sometimes will need to take a step backwards and take a moment to breathe and remember where you are and what you're doing. I know you appreciate that you are lucky and have the world at your feet, we do lose sight of this day to day so taking time out to realise this can improve things, for example write down 3 things every day that you're proud of or grateful for, it helps me from time to time. Another thing I like to do which may benefit you is to meditate, it always sounds so pompous and silly but it doesn't have to be this big thing, you can do it at night when trying to sleep, everyone has their own techniques it's finding the right one for you, but it helps to keep calm and open your mind to new things and usually gives me a boost of inspiration at the same time. You're the centre of your life, you have to look after yourself before you can begin to look after anyone else, take time for you and never forget that you are number one. Like the age old saying "those that mind, don't matter and those that matter don't mind" you should never compare yourself to others because I'm damn sure so many of the people reading your blogs would love to be where you are, doing a job you love and being with someone you love. I've rambled on far too much, but you're presence, even online shines so don't let that sparkle dull for anyone.

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  21. So sorry to read that you're feeling like that, I love your blog, discovered it not so long ago and love checking in for new posts, love your pictures and style..

    I really want to say thank you for sharing this post as not only was it really brave of you, it is important for people to share their feelings, bad as well as the good, positive things that we flood social media with. So often I feel down, look through Facebook or Instagram and then just feel even lower as it can make you feel like everyone else has a better life, is having more fun etcetc. Sometimes when people 'go quiet' on these sites I wonder if it's because they are feeling low as well, like you say we're all guilty of editing our lives a bit on the internet.. Anyway thank you for sharing this, I really related to it, and I hope it made you feel a bit better to write it down! I am sorry that you are crying and worrying, it's such a horrible feeling, and frustrating when you feel like you are in a spiral of bad thoughts and can't stop. I guess my only advice would be to take a couple of minutes when you can to focus on a little positive thing - something you've done that you're pleased with or proud of, something you're looking forward to.. Text a good friend a silly message, trawl the internet for ridiculous cat pictures.. Cat pictures always cheer me up (sad I know!) Glad you're seeing someone and taking steps deal with how you're feeling, hope that you start to feel better soon.. Good luck :)

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  22. Ohh katie. I think that i am the only person who things that way, but i understand you're just like me. I always worry about something, is my family ok? My boyfriend? anything, about anything i can worry. And also i have no self confidence. Actually sometimes i feel such a great girl, i have confidence but sometimes it disappears. Anyway, you are not lonely. I wish you can fix these emotions. Love you! Good luck!

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  23. Remember: you're the only one who's stopping yourself from being happy. No one else has the power to manipulate you. YOU have all the power, and life is short, so why not greet each day with a great big smile. You're the only thing holding you back right now. It's time to change! Woot woot xx

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  24. I'm glad you'll see a professional about your mood. For a long time, I felt like you and only thought I was getting older and changed because of that. I went to the GP for something else altogether and he diagnosed me with depression. The thought of being depressed never crossed my mind, as it happened over time. But when he told me it all made sense and I was glad that it was not just me becoming boring.

    Maybe your mood is something not as bad but at least someone who knows will tell you.

    Hope you'll feel better Katie!

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  25. I'm so sorry to here this. I completely understand where you are coming from when you talk about worrying. I am such a worrier and it definitely makes my life difficult. I think the hardest part is knowing that there is nothing to worry about and then still worrying.

    I hope everything gets better. Don't be afraid to ask those around you for help or get help yourself. Also remember that you're not alone. Many people suffer from the same things and can empathize with you.

    ox Caitlin

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  26. Hi Katie, I think your post is very brave. Just remember that you're not alone in this. There will always be someone willing to help in any way they can. xx

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  27. Things will soon get better

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  28. I am so sorry you are feeling this way. I hope it helps to know other people feel like you, I know it helps me sometimes! It's a really positive step that you're going the doctors because it really helps knowing you're going to get support. I'm just like you with the constant worry and anxiety! It is such a terrible thing to go through and I really hope things start seeming easier for you soon. It's no fun feeling this way. Best of luck, Katie! Also this post has been inspirational and I'm glad you've published it. You're so brave and its great to write things down.

    www.beyondthevelvet.blogspot.co.uk

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  29. I'm so sorry to hear this, but you are not alone. I worry 24/7 as well. I worry about my parents dying constantly, about my husband being killed in a car crash (I dunno why that's my fear), I worry about making sure I get to work not only on time but 10 minutes early, I worry about getting enough sleep... then not sleeping because I'm too busy worrying. And I worry about anything and everything in between. It's a vicious cycle. My doctor says I have anxiety and need anxiety meds, but my anxiety won't let me take the meds. I get too anxious taking medications that I make myself physically ill.

    The only thing I find that helps is exercise, drinking lots of water, eating healthy foods and giving myself some down time to play with my puppies or hang out with my hubs.

    As for comparing yourself to others, well it's hard not to sometimes. You're putting yourself out there on your blog, like so many of us. It's difficult not to worry about if you're going to be as good as the next girl blogging about beauty products, or as pretty, or as stylish, etc. I have to constantly remind myself... it's not a competition, at all. I'm doing this for fun, because I love beauty products! Remind yourself of that: it's not a competition. Then you should feel some weight lift. Life is full of gorgeous people, and reminding yourself to admire other's beauty will help :)

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  30. Feel better soon. Good for you getting help, no reason to continue without support. Medications can make a world of difference. Give yourself credit for being brave and putting it out there. You are stronger than you think! Best wishes.

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  31. It makes me so sad to know that so many people suffer from such disorders! I can't imagine what it must feel like as I have never experienced such a process. Like I go through insecurities, what girl doesn't! But never to the extent of such a point. Getting help and admitting to yourself something isn't right is a HUGE admirable step you should proud of. I hope that you feel happier and more comfortable with yourself soon, it won't be easy but one step at a time. Hopefully you are raising awareness by doing this too, so be proud, head up, the future is bright xoxoxo

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  32. I really hope this worrying, anxious spell goes away very very fast. It is absolutely normal to feel like this sometimes though. I have moments, even weeks where I don't feel good about myself and I cry like mad for days and days. I think surrounding yourself with positive people and the ones that love you for who you are is the way to go. Im glad you are going doctors and getting yourself sorted though! We are all here for you and I hope you feel yourself sooner rather than later! <3

    Rachel xx

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  33. it's really good decision to start CBT, i'm sure it will help you. I do work as a therapist, my anxiety patients usually feel a lot better after a couple of sessions. Goog luck!

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  34. Katie - I hope you are feeling better. Writing a blog post about it has hopefully helped - I find it really therapeutic to write down my feelings. I suffer with anxiety and I have good months and bad months. My anxiety seems to be really focused around bad things happening to the people I love, and traumatic scenes like bombs, shootings etc. I had some therapy/CBT sessions through my work psychology service and they really helped. I cried throughout the session, my psychologist was great and every time I left a session I felt like a massive weight had been lifted. I also feel like I am constantly comparing myself to others - my insecurities seem to be at an all time low at the moment. It's frustrating - I know how you feel.

    I find websites like tinybuddha.com really help, they have a vast library of articles relating to all sorts of mental health issues and help you me feel better. Mindfulness podcasts have helped me previously. Exercise and making sure "me time" is scheduled in also helps. Feel free to email if you want a chat - talking to others who suffer with similar problems really seems to to help sometimes.

    Beth // SANS SOUCI

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  35. You are precious and brave little cookie and I love you just the way you are. Things like this happen to all of us. And they pass. Everything passes, so make sure you don't miss joy of life, joy of living with worrying and fears.
    Thumbs up for CBT. I used to read few books, like Panic Away and Overcoming Panic- ant those books helped a lot.
    I am sending you a huge, virtual hug all the way from Croatia <3 xo

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  36. I honestly feel the same and don't know how to help myself people tell me to stop being insecure but its just not that easy


    http://whatididonwednesday.blogspot.co.uk/

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  37. I just want to hug you through the internet. I feel so bad for you but I know there's light on the otherside of the tunnel. Please keep in mind that there is nothing scarier and anxious than your mind's fear itself. If you can over come the tought of the fear you can over come anything. Be brave and think that it is only toughts.

    Also, nothing that you feel or think is wrong or bad. You cannot deside how to feel so just deal with the emotion one of a time. Realise what kind of feelings you feel in different situations. And always remember you have your family and friends to rely on (atleast I hope so).

    You are a strong and capable woman who can get over these bad times.

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  38. I suffer really badly with emetophobia too and I have panic attacks if anyone even mentions feeling sick. It controls my life too to the point where I don't wanna go out on a night in case someone is ill, I can't look after my nephew when he is ill incase he's sick. It's awful and unless you suffer with it, you can't really explain to someone what it's like. I hope CBT helps and I'd love you to tell us how it's going because I'm worried about starting it myself and advice from someone going through it would really help

    x

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  39. Hello Katie,
    I've had 3 depression crises over the last 7 years, so I totally understand your feelings.

    The last one of my crises forced me to move back to Italy because I was so worried that I couldn't make it by myself in France. Little did I know, I can make it anywhere really.
    As soon as I've gotten back to Italy, I found out I have hypothiroiditis, which also causes depressive breakdowns. Aside the little pill that I take everyday, I've also been seeing a psychiatrist, who really didn't help a lot apart from the fact that she reassured me I did not need any anti-depressants and that I was completely sane. I am just an "emotional sponge", she said.

    Now, I've been on a journey to self-preservation this summer, and although I am currently stressed out and worried, I have decided to go back to France to start over. I do worry, I am anxious, nervous, bored, and I do feel sad at times. But I am learning to control all that.
    I still don't know what caused me to be this way, but sometimes I think that it really doesn't matter. Whatever the cause, I can handle it.
    I'm not going to tell you "take it easy", "time will heal", and all that sort of motivational things that only people with a stable emotional life tend to say. It's only frustrating.
    One thing I've learnt, though, is that those feelings are like a dog. They will follow you wherever you go, whatever you do. What do you do with dogs? You educate them. You just have to educate your feelings. It's a long, slow process, but it works.
    And get support: from family, friends, and all of your loved ones, but also online if you want. There is no shame in admitting that you're fragile or that you feel lost sometimes. That doesn't really change who you are or how other people see you. I'm sure that, like me, you're stronger than you think you are, you are well determined, and sometimes all that strenght just wears you out.

    You know, I could go on and on, but I think I'm just going to write a blog post for you, so that this comment won't get too long. I'm really glad you "exposed" yourself here, you inspired me to share my findings and feelings too.
    Depression, anxiety, panic are not a terrible disease and they can only take over your life if you're too ashamed to be open about them, or cry for help.

    Chin up, girl. You're gonna get through it, again ;)

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  40. I read this blog post last night before going to sleep, and it really made me upset for you :( I hope you feel better soon and get everything back on track. I'm having an anxious day today and it's been driving me crazy so I can't even imagine how you're feeling, but I really hope you feel better soon. Whenever I'm down in the dumps and worried about things, I listen to Bob Marley Three Little Birds, it always cheers me up when I listen to the lyrics, maybe give it a listen :) xxx

    http://a-city-girls-thoughts.blogspot.be

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  41. I actually had to Google what emetophobia was but I have always had a fear of vomiting. Having grown up with aural migraines and bouts of vomiting and blindness I really, really hate it. I wouldn't say it causes me severe anxiety but that's probably because I'm rarely sick. The two times I had food poisoning I had to take xanax to keep myself calm. Anyway, pregnancy quickly cured me of my fear. I have dealt with bouts of depression and anxiety too, though. My last two years of college were particularly difficult. So if you need someone to talk to, send me an e-mail.

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  42. I'm so glad you're going to see a doctor as not being able to remember the last time you didn't cry is a really bad sign and you are absolutely not being selfish/self-indulgent/ungrateful for feeling like this. This happens to all kinds of people with all kinds of lives and you're doing the right thing in seeking help.

    I have not suffered with anxiety or depression myself but I was in a relationship for 6 years with someone who did (4 years happy, 2 years very severe depression). One thing I learned is that you don't have to stick with the first doctor you see. Go to your GP, see what they say, try following their advice/course of treatment and if it works for you, great. But if not it's completely acceptable and a good idea to ask to speak to a different GP and try a different route if you feel the first attempt is not working for you or that any given doctor is not understanding your particular situation properly.

    If it helps at all my ex and I are still friends and after CBT and some medication he is very happy, sociable and enjoys life now, so people do come through this. You just might take a while to find an approach that works for you.

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  43. I can relate to your post so well.

    http://www.madelinefedmont.com

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  44. Aw, it's such a shame to read about you feeling this way! I really sympathise but admire you at the same time for being brave enough to write a post about it. I hope you start to feel better soon and get some help from the doctor and maybe some answers as to why you feel this way. Chin up xx

    Kate | Kate Emma Loves.

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  45. I'm so sorry to hear you're feeling like this! These are all terrible things to have to face, regardless of having 'the perfect life' or lovely people around you. You're definitely doing the right thing by seeing somebody; it's something I wish I had done and I wish you the best of luck.

    If you're considering a video on emetophobia, I would definitely be interested. It's all too easy for a lot of people to say 'it's not worth worrying about', 'go out and cheer yourself up' etc etc and that's the really frustrating part.
    It's horrible that you're feeling this way but I'm glad you posted this - it's inspiring and will hopefully prompt other people to speak out in the same way you have. I really hope that this passes soon and the best of luck with whatever help you look for xx


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  46. Hey hun! I'm currently on my psychiatry rotation for med school. Ask your doctor about 'generalized anxiety disorder' and 'depression' or 'dysthymia'. He may prescribe you an SSRI medication, and suggest therapy. Both together work the best for longterm therapy. You can pull through it! But be patient and kind to yourself, and build a strong support system. I'm so glad you are open to therapy.

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  47. Hey Katie, I hope you're feeling better now :)

    I'm not really an expert in this kind of stuff but when I get upset or feeling down, I'll usually write it down on a piece of paper. Just spill everything you have on your mind. talking to pets helps too, although people might think you're weird or something.

    I hope it helps :)

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  48. Hiii Katie,

    You've literally just described my life in an article!!

    I thought I was weird for having emetophobia but it's that bad to the pint that I'm scared to go out in certain situations incase I hear or see somebody be sick. It's proper taking over my life.

    Also, I have really low days too. I get so worked up over nothing and before I know it I'm crying and I don't even know what for!

    Also, I suffer from anxiety pretty badly. I worry every single day about whether I'll get a permanent job (I'm only temp atm) and whether I'll be able to get the house I want or not. Every single day is a struggle and it gets really difficult sometimes I feel like I'm going to explode into a thousand pieces!

    I hope this helps you, it's so nice knowing you're not the only one out there with this phobia and being a constant worrier. I try and think about the positives in my life when I get these attacks - I know it's easier said than done - but it helps!

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  49. Hi Katie,
    This is one of the best blog posts i've read and well done for opening up and sharing how your feeling! I've done the same on my blog and it honestly helps so much writing about it. I also can't recommend therapy enough, any form will be beneficial. Stick at it because it takes a while to take effect. It's also good that you are crying...strange of me to say I know, but if you keep it all inside it makes everything so much worse and you need to let it out somehow if you aren't able to talk about it. I'm not sure you'll even read this, but i'm speaking from experience and being depressed is a horrible illness to have but with the help of others it's possible to get through it!
    I wish you all the best. Adele xx

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  50. Dear Katie,

    Feel proud of yourself that you can show your true feelings and emotions, thats what makes you reall. Hell with those cupcake pictures, ive got a gluten allergy anyway ;-)
    Good luck girl!

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  51. i relate so much to this post. just hold on and have faith that everything will figure itself out , thats usually what gets me through the hard and confusing times that life tends to throw our way.

    spiceadvicexo.blogspot.com

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  52. Hi Katie,

    I can very much relate to this, to stop worrying is so hard and difficult, the most smallest things will get me into a frenzy, I did some therapy for a while and it really did help, it may not go totally, but it definitely helps in terms of controlling your thoughts which is the most important.

    Hope the doctors go ok

    xx


    Yasmin | Be You

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  53. I know how you feel I am that person that is always worried to a point that it's become unhealthy.


    http://themelodyofdreaming.blogspot.gr/

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  54. My boyfriend suffers from OCD that manifests in different ways at different times. He constantly has a fear of chemical contamination, which is a complete pain sometimes when it comes to things like cleaning products. But one of the other problems he has is he starts worrying about one particular thing and it pretty much takes over him. Most recently it's been asbestos and he's on the look out for it everywhere. He was actually involved in some work predicting how bad the CJD crisis could be. Although it didn't turn out to be anywhere near as bad as they had worked out it could be (their prediction was something like hundreds of thousands of people would contract it) he actually became so fixated with it and paranoid that he could barely function anymore. Sometimes it's virtually impossible to live with him, but it's not his fault x

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  55. Hey, it's okay :) you can have it all in terms of physical items but you can still be a wreck inside. The good thing is that you can identify it and it looks like you are very aware of how you feel and you do realize that these emotions are not really who you are.
    I get you on the bouts of depression. I usually get (extra) really depressed around the holidays.I suffer from severe clinical depression and bipolar II and at a certain point you realize that it might never go away fully. Whether you have gone through something that could have triggered it or not, only you know, you just come to terms that it's not who you are and you learn to live it and cope. It gets better. You get stronger. Sometimes you will fail but sometimes you will conquer your spells so to speak. It takes time and I hope that you are patient with yourself enough to see to your recovery or to at least your improvement. I am very, very happy for you that you were able to get help. Best wishes.

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  56. I think it is so great that you spoke out about your troubles. I had a similar thing happen to me last year and i developed such anxiety that i would cry all the time - when i was driving, when i was in a shop - seriously anything would set me off. I went to the doctor for a referral to a psychologist and i found a lovely lady nearby who i began to see three times a week. It seriously changed my life because i realised that she makes a living off the millions of people who have the same troubles - most psychologists are so booked out that they don't take on new clients and that is saying something! She explained to me that tears are filled with endorphins and when you are feeling anxious your body makes you cry so that your skin can absorb the endorphins. I then began to feel kind of sympathetic to myself for crying, knowing it was my little bodies way of fixing itself and it gradually stopped happening because i understood what was going on. She changed my life and I now only see her once a month to keep myself on track. I hope this helped you see that it will get better and you are most certainly not the only one! xo

    http://candidlycatrin.blogspot.com.au

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  57. Ah Katie, so sad to hear that you've been so down and tearful over the recent months - but I am so glad you published this post! It is lovely to see you have a bunch of supportive, loyal readers ready to boost you and bring you up when you really need some good support.

    I completely relate to you with this one, it is SO hard not to let worrying spiral out of control sometimes, situations that haven't even happened (probably won't even happen) end up impacting your entire day and dictating your well-being! It can be a real struggle to be mindful and let these feelings come and go without letting them have such a huge affect on your general mental health.

    These days it can be really difficult not to constantly compare yourself to others as we are surrounded by snippets of people lives plastered across social media with everything looking lovely (lots of cupcakes) - but I try always to take it with a pinch of salt. Try and put some time aside for yourself each week to wind down without any technology, have some sherry, run a bath and read a book. Being mindful has really helped me though times where I am overcome with anxiety and worry, just appreciating the smallest things, taking time to enjoy simplicity can be really soothing. Also, surround yourself with people that will bring you up are positive and make you chuckle - it really does make the world of difference!

    Immy X

    www.immymay.com

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  58. Hi Katie, just want to say hang in there :) Your blog is one of my favourites - you seems very honest, creative and caring and unfortunately these qualities can breed vunerability. I've struggled with depression for years and I know that 'advice' can make you want to strangle people so I just want to say that one of the things that has helped me is to own how I'm feeling - try not to fight too hard and exhaust yourself. If you're feeling sensitive and worried, own it, don't ignore it, work with it, open up and just accept that some days you can only do what you can do, and that may not be a lot. You're very brave to speak out, girl, and I hope you learn to manage your pesky worries in a more productive way. Hugs :) xxx

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  59. Just catching up on your blog posts, and I can relate so much to this. Worrying about things in the news, illnesses, a partner just one day deciding to leave me. And at certain times it can be so much worse for no apparent reason and these periods last longer than I would like. I also have a phobia of flying which holds me back in life an awful lot, it restricts me so much, so I can understand how phobias can negatively affect your life in many ways. I'm glad you posted this as It's always nice to know other people go through times like this, although I would never wish it upon anyone. I hope you are feeling so much better now :) and just know you are not alone xxxx

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  60. Typical white european girl problems, so strange how you have everything you need as a human to live a very comfortable life, yet you are feeling sad?!
    There are millions of people, mothers, children, elderly people, disabled people, the poor, the ill, the ones stuck in war torn countries etc and most of the time suprisingly they are not sad yet they have the biggest reasons to be.
    I will never understand people like you, honeslty just worry less, take time to look after yourself and just be happy with what life throws at you if you can do things to change it for the better then do it, if you can´t change the problem then don´t stress out and be happy.

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    Replies
    1. I find this very, very insulting. Have you ever heard of mental health? I can't even find the words to respond to this.

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  61. Sorry to hear you have been feeling like this, I know how you feel about the worrying, I've been like that lately constantly worrying over lots of things and the fixation thing you spoke of is like reading about myself.
    Hope you feel better soon!

    www.violetdaffodils.com
    xx

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